
An Ode to my Father
Can you see me now?
I would have made you proud
We never spoke about facts or truths
Because they were subjects
That we could not face yet
You were a man with many names,
many women and Bars
as if they were your second home
or possibly your first…
because the reality was
you never had a home
You were sent to an orphanage
In Belfast Ireland as a child
and I will never know what you
Endured then…now trying to silence your
Demons with alcohol.
Then I was also sent to a home
for children and could not understand
Why nobody wanted me
Or what I had done so wrong
to be thrown away
But now I see the cycles of
Family addiction and trauma
You were just mimicking what had been
done to you, and later you tried to save me
after I had turned to drugs,
but it was too late, I had lost my faith
in humanity and couldnt live
in my skin therefore I
wanted to be comfortably numb by
any means necessary
We were not ready to change
Because we had never faced our demons
or even understood our pain
we were children in adult bodies
still searching for that safe space…
that illusion of control in a harsh world
Daddy, you were still a fond memory
because even in our awkward silences
and addictions, I knew you were a good man
I wanted us both to find peace
I never had children, so the cycle stops
With me, I wish we could have shared
More good times but we did share a bond
That only you and I can understand
I miss you and I still don’t believe in
Rainbows and Butterflies but there is
Still a place in my heart that hopes you
are somewhere watching over me smiling
Glenna, wow, thank you for sharing such a deep and profound insight into who you are and the road that brought you there. You are a constant inspiration and window into my own soul… Love you my sister
LikeLiked by 1 person