Mercy Killing

photomania-bbe71446b3d3f85f5429afe4389b0a34

I was sooo tired, but it was a good type of tired

I had helped love the animals at

the local shelter

it made me feel validated, purposeful

And worthy

I wanted to save them all

I wanted to give them peace

and Love

I have always longed for

A feeling of love,

a feeling of connection

A feeling of family and safety

which is an unknown

because I never

had a chance

to be a child

or believe in Fairytales,

I was a stray also

I was a stray child…

I would pass the

other volunteers

in the hallways and vestibules

but there was still an

unknown to me as

I watched the dogs get

escorted to a strange room

and I never saw them return…

Due to PTSD

I overthink and speculate

I watch what’s in back of me

What is happening to the sides?

But sometimes we choose

to ignore what is happening

Right in front of us

Because it is too proof positive

 

I did not want to know

what happened in that room

Because it would have eaten away at

my spirit and soul

This is my new family

Reason, purpose, and positionality

I was here to be the hero

To work with animals for

free by volunteering

But the clinch is

they are getting killed in the next room

I have been walking by trying not to see

what is right in front of me

Because I once again feel powerless

I make excuses

Maybe they are better off

Who wants to be stuck in a cage anyway?

Maybe it is a Mercy Killing

 

Am I really here for them?

or am I really here for myself

Because this is the only family

I have ever known

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