I was sooo tired, but it was a good type of tired
I had helped love the animals at
the local shelter
it made me feel validated, purposeful
And worthy
I wanted to save them all
I wanted to give them peace
and Love
I have always longed for
A feeling of love,
a feeling of connection
A feeling of family and safety
which is an unknown
because I never
had a chance
to be a child
or believe in Fairytales,
I was a stray also
I was a stray child…
I would pass the
other volunteers
in the hallways and vestibules
but there was still an
unknown to me as
I watched the dogs get
escorted to a strange room
and I never saw them return…
Due to PTSD
I overthink and speculate
I watch what’s in back of me
What is happening to the sides?
But sometimes we choose
to ignore what is happening
Right in front of us
Because it is too proof positive
I did not want to know
what happened in that room
Because it would have eaten away at
my spirit and soul
This is my new family
Reason, purpose, and positionality
I was here to be the hero
To work with animals for
free by volunteering
But the clinch is
they are getting killed in the next room
I have been walking by trying not to see
what is right in front of me
Because I once again feel powerless
I make excuses
Maybe they are better off
Who wants to be stuck in a cage anyway?
Maybe it is a Mercy Killing
Am I really here for them?
or am I really here for myself
Because this is the only family
I have ever known
