Growing up was not fun for me

I guess I had a chemical imbalance

and saw the world as sad, and threatening

I did not see the rides, the toys, the fun

I saw the pain

I walked by homeless (derelicts)

and felt drawn to their meaning

and connection to the world around them

I saw everything in black and white

and felt my hands shake with anxiety

as far back as I can remember

I wanted to feel loved, safe and connected

but the attention I got was emotional, and

physical abuse and was not spared the reality

that I was an inconvenience to all

I wondered why my family didn’t want me

why they send me away at 12 to a children’s home

but I refused to be thrown away

so I found a way to be relevant


I acted tough, the keyword is act

I made sure I became a (real inconvenience )

but at the end of the day

I just wanted

a home

a team

a connection

a place to feel safe


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