Growing up was not fun for me
I guess I had a chemical imbalance
and saw the world as sad, and threatening
I did not see the rides, the toys, the fun
I saw the pain
I walked by homeless (derelicts)
and felt drawn to their meaning
and connection to the world around them
I saw everything in black and white
and felt my hands shake with anxiety
as far back as I can remember
I wanted to feel loved, safe and connected
but the attention I got was emotional, and
physical abuse and was not spared the reality
that I was an inconvenience to all
I wondered why my family didn’t want me
why they send me away at 12 to a children’s home
but I refused to be thrown away
so I found a way to be relevant
NEGATIVE ATTENTION
I acted tough, the keyword is act
I made sure I became a (real inconvenience )
but at the end of the day
I just wanted
a home
a team
a connection
a place to feel safe
