I ran my fingers along the wall

I had never even known that the wall existed

I am a second-generation Irish American

and thought the reason why I felt so uncomfortable

within my skin and society must be from

a past life or a  spirit that haunts me

I had heard of the ‘Troubles’ in Northern Ireland

and almost wanted to belong to a cause or a struggle

I wanted to have a purpose and a reason to

understand the pain and give me a reason to

continue to fight a struggle called LIFE

that was supposed to be a ‘gift’?

Why was I self-mutilating at seven years old?

Why did I always feel under threat or despair?

To learn about your heritage is the first step

to understanding yourself, the handed down

addictions and anxieties, the feeling of

being LOST and wanting to find

something, someone…anything

I read the murals on the wall and strangely

the majority had nothing to do with

Irish, Catholics, Protestant, IRA

I don’t know if that is done purposely

but maybe it is a Countries attempt to heal

I came back to the USA with jetlag

and enough information about my

family to rest a beast that had been

gnawing at my core for a long time

that feeling of something missing

or something making me feel incomplete

and just like the country IRELAND,

I knew it was time for me to heal as well.




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