I ran my fingers along the wall
I had never even known that the wall existed
I am a second-generation Irish American
and thought the reason why I felt so uncomfortable
within my skin and society must be from
a past life or a spirit that haunts me
I had heard of the ‘Troubles’ in Northern Ireland
and almost wanted to belong to a cause or a struggle
I wanted to have a purpose and a reason to
understand the pain and give me a reason to
continue to fight a struggle called LIFE
that was supposed to be a ‘gift’?
Why was I self-mutilating at seven years old?
Why did I always feel under threat or despair?
To learn about your heritage is the first step
to understanding yourself, the handed down
addictions and anxieties, the feeling of
being LOST and wanting to find
I read the murals on the wall and strangely
the majority had nothing to do with
Irish, Catholics, Protestant, IRA
I don’t know if that is done purposely
but maybe it is a Countries attempt to heal
I came back to the USA with jetlag
and enough information about my
family to rest a beast that had been
gnawing at my core for a long time
that feeling of something missing
or something making me feel incomplete
and just like the country IRELAND,
I knew it was time for me to heal as well.