That feeling…it’s been so long


1467301_649652795085291_753601988_nI hate public transportation, I try to sit (if) I get the opportunity in a spot with the least movement. I am so tightly wound that I try to move my leg or body so that nobody brushes against me. No, I do not feel (better than) or look down on my fellow New Yorkers but due to life’s challenges, I am UNTOUCHABLE. I talk all day with my clients and run groups constantly but I am still in my own world. Suddenly a large man sits next to me in the two-seater I choose. I am thinking why would he want to squeeze next to me and start to rummage through my bag to look like I am not fazed by his presence. I feel the warmth of his body next to me and it reminded me of a time when I had someone I thought was special and I would have nestled against his shoulder and arm. I glance at his legs and he actually is tall and sturdy. I pretend to look if my stop is coming and look at his profile and get a longing that has been gone for so long. I can smell the leather of his jacket and imagine being able to rest my head on his shoulder. All of a sudden I realize its time to get up because my stop is coming and my guard goes up and once again I am UNTOUCHABLE.

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