I remember while someone was deciding what “job detail” I was supposed to have in prison, He decided I was going to horticulture. When I was on my way out he said, “Yeah McCarthy, you need to learn how to smell the roses” I had no idea what horticulture meant and never even made it to my new job. Due to my anxiety, while going to ear in mess halls I was a time bomb. It felt like torture and I had a fight. After being isolated for a month or so I came out and was supposed to work in “electrical.” although I would have loved to be an (Urban) Macgyver that could fix anything and alter everything I didn’t last a week due to another meltdown. I got used to being recognized as a reckless individual. I thought that would be a way to make people leave me alone. It seemed to be my uncomfortable comfort zone. It is a lonely existence, feeling it’s you against the world. I still got attention without having to get close. I was the star of my own “low budget bad movie. I grew, changed and faced my demons. I saw if I did not invest in me I was terminally screwed ” Life has changed and improved now but I still have to slow down and learn how to smell the roses, even if it is just one.
Love that quote in the context of your words. Now letting them permeate mine! 🙂
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