Im Tired…


My psycho therapist asked me to try something new, at first I came up with a hundred reasons why it was silly and corny and dumb but finally I ran out of things to ramble about and agreed to try. He asked me to recognize that I was in a safe area and take off my armor and put it on the chair next to me (in my mind) and if I felt uncomfortable my armor would be there to put back on again. I cracked jokes and was rolling my eyes as I tried to change the focus but he wouldn’t let me because he kept bringing me back to the task at hand. Finally, I tried to imagine myself removing the  armor and it felt like heavy baggage so I envisioned taking all the weight off and placing it beside me. The first time I felt awkward because part of me was really trying because I was tired and needed change so I tried again when all of a sudden I felt tired and didn’t want to talk which is a first. I was so afraid to FEEL anything that I was wound up like a bat out of hell by distracting myself with sarcasm and jokes and even war stories that didn’t even bother me anymore it was just for air time. By putting my guard down I was a whole different person…tired and needed rest.


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