DOODLING IN CLASS

I used to cut myself, then I chewed the inside of my mouth

mouth like it was a sandwich,I bit my nails and then

I evolved to masturbation…

No I wasn’t horny, I didn’t even know about sex yet

but I had to change the way I felt

any altered state would do

I became empowered in my teens

I learned to break things and vandalize

I became a prankster with the aid of my friends

we stole a giant Xmas tree out of lobby

just to throw it through a  window

We mooned the  windows of a 5-star restaurant

Just to make them as uncomfortable as me

How dare people have a happy family?

how dare people have a happy home?

while mine felt so unstable…The

inner awkwardness led to a sub culture

The anger led to a counter-culture

The fear led me to drugs

They say that misery can lead to creativity

So I am finding new ways to deal with anxiety

such as cutting my own hair, painting my own house

and Doodling….it is a way to cope and I like it.