I used to cut myself, then I chewed the inside of my mouth

mouth like it was a sandwich,I bit my nails and then

I evolved to masturbation…

No I wasn’t horny, I didn’t even know about sex yet

but I had to change the way I felt

any altered state would do

I became empowered in my teens

I learned to break things and vandalize

I became a prankster with the aid of my friends

we stole a giant Xmas tree out of lobby

just to throw it through a  window

We mooned the  windows of a 5-star restaurant

Just to make them as uncomfortable as me

How dare people have a happy family?

how dare people have a happy home?

while mine felt so unstable…The

inner awkwardness led to a sub culture

The anger led to a counter-culture

The fear led me to drugs

They say that misery can lead to creativity

So I am finding new ways to deal with anxiety

such as cutting my own hair, painting my own house

and Doodling….it is a way to cope and I like it.


  1. For me, writing is becoming my way of coping….and sharing (not an easy thing to do for me normally) but sometimes you gotta throw the baby out with the bathwater….here we are again, with the dirty water references 🙂 xo H.

    Liked by 1 person

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